listening to: Mew- comforting sounds

*sighs* its so tiring tonight, actually its been tiring the whole day. I pass out on the bed around 2 pm with 70% of my upper body on the bed and my foot touching the ground. which is absolutely weird and that its so bloody hot, it gets on my nerve and i get irritated so easily that i felt like attacking those who talked to me...which was weird. i've been wanting the rain to fall, i love the smell as it hits the ground but it rained only awhile this afternoon and then the sun came back :(
it was not like last night, tonight was actually really noisy and there was somebody outside who knocked on the door with a bang and she did it several of times until kiki and me wanted to pull her hair...
last night, i was alone. kiki went to sleep early and maisha was gone, and leyla locked herself in her room like her usual self. i slide open the balcony door and sat outside and listen to sheryl crow. she isnt that bad like people think. anyway, i noticed there was someone else next door, sitting outside just like me, staring at the jungle because i could smell her cigarette smoke..i didnt want to look at her because she might think i'm a freak but i stole a glance anyway because i was so curious and yeah she was definitely smoking :) so i light mine and wished she was a guy so that it'll be like those movies where romance came so unexpectedly, but she was a girl so i just continued staring at the jungle and hope that i dont see a ghost in the middle of the jungle.
what i saw: 1. smoke coming out from the trees
2. cars passing by below me.
3. an iranian guy and his massive boobed girlfriend ( they caught me staring)
4. there were no stars because of the lights from the toll and the buildings.
5.my cigarette was burning fast.
6.the girl next door was gone.
7. there was no ramli burger
there were alot of people that i thought about that night:
1. ann
2.hamish
3.mom and dad
4. kevin heera
5. ben harding
6. my best friend hanis
i thought about this people becasue they were nowhere near me.

fresh meat, a new comer!

i dont really say much normally, especially to new people. takes awhile. and i'm pretty much sick of keeping stuff to myself...and i just have the voice to make things worse haha
i'm pretty nervous since this is my first time blogging and i hate being nervous. it stops me from doing things..
two things that stops me from doing other things:
1. fear
2. laziness
i can endure laziness but i just absolutely hate being scared. i mean like who doesnt? i remember during presentation in class, these temptations almost made real: 1. running away
2. passing out
3. getting really sick
4. intorable cursing
5. suffocating
6. suffocating
7. suffocating...